365 Questions For A Better…Me…

An Attempt To Get Back Into Journaling.

I have this weird, ~~delusion~~ dream, that future generations will be curious/want to know more about what my life was like at different points in my life. Hence this blog. Hence my inability to throw away ticket stubs. Hence my desire to document everything on camera. You get the point.
But when it comes to documenting my life in writing…I think the “Dear America” Historical Fiction YA Book Series made deep impressions on me growing up. Given the fact that we’ve been growing up through an epoch of ridiculous, apocalyptic-esque historical events over these past 2-3 decades, I don’t blame my sub-conscious for celebrating me as the main character in my life..but also drawing a parallel to being an antagonist in a Dear America novel…we’re certainly living in ‘unprecedented times’.

And as such, I’ve been–well used to be–such an avid journal-keeper throughout the majority of my life, always toting my hardback, un-lined notebooks with me everywhere I went–pretty much since elementary school when I started reading those books.

But over the past couple years, I have been distracted by so many other facets in life.
SO MUCH OF LIFE was happening in SUCH LITTLE TIME.
I barely had a second to breathe, much less decompress the thoughts by putting them to paper (as aforementioned–UNPRECEDENTED TIMES).
Thank goodness for therapy as an outlet, else I can’t imagine how burnt out I would be by now with all those various thoughts that went through my head during that time.

But despite not being able to get back into the habit for whatever reason, I have ALWAYS had this feeling within me – this yearning to get back to journaling. Maybe also driven by a sense of guilt I have for word-vomiting my overflowing emotions onto my InstaStories, for my few followers — they never asked to hear about my qualms and yet they swiped on…for months…

I mentally marked 2021 as ‘the year I will slowly try to get back into journaling’.
I wanted to start small. Maybe keeping a dream journal to become better at lucid dreaming.
Perhaps just keeping a collection of inspiring quotes I encounter throughout the day…
But…a few days in, I started getting more into the swing of it–and now I want to write more consistently.

The only “problem” is that I am currently NOT an emotional wreck, as I HAD been in my past journaling days
(read: when I was in a toxic relationship), and therefore I’ve kind of felt like I had nothing to write about….

Of course, the moment I started feeling this way, I encountered a solution (thank you Universe):

I’m slowly (perpetually) undergoing the process of cleaning up my Bookmarks/Favorites, right?
And last week I ran into an old blog post I saved from a blog called Debbie in Shape.It was her “365 Questions For a Better You” self-improvement challenge, originally written in 2018.
This challenge consisted of small, short, concise but meaningful ‘prompts’ people should ask themselves as a way to getting in touch with themselves again.

And since the questions aren’t temporally affixed to 2018, I figured this would be a great place to start again.

I’ve already been answering the prompts in my handwritten journal, but I would like to digitally record my responses here too. As a ‘cloud backup’. Did I mention in this Antagonistic life of mine, I’ve also experienced the trauma of losing my childhood home to a fire?
Yeah. So I’m a bit paranoid about protecting things for posterity, even more now than I already was…

Anywho. I’m going to make an earnest attempt this year to get to know myself better through these questions.
I’ll fill them daily in my handwritten notebook, and fill this in sporadically, so keep checking back for updates!

And I already am excited to look back at these questions sometime in the future, when I’m feeling disconnected to myself and nostalgic again.

Which will probably be like….tomorrow.

JANUARY

1. My biggest dream is to be well-known & well-respected.
2. My vision for 2021 is to feel more settled & established – have peace of mind and to improve in all of my hobbies.
3. I feel 6/10 today.
4. Probably my COVID Test…extending Georg’s 30th Birthday Card to Family/Extended Circle of Friends (it had been on my checklist for quite some time)
5. I learned about why last year’s photo of a black hole was significant
6. It is frigid. It is cloudy.
7. I want to pull off a fantastic cake and birthday celebration for Georg.
8. This week has been…a blur…tiring…tolerable.
9. I showed up to work…
10. Unsatisfying.
11. An all-inclusive retreat to the Reschio Villa. All Summer long.
12. Engaging my curiosity. Being curious, always wanting to learn, no matter how ~~old~~ young I am.
13. Making everything about myself.
14. My priority is to get ahead of the Social Media plan for work.
15. I learned that I actually have listeners on Spotify — at the time of writing this — 200 a month. At the time of typing this out online, a total of 121K!!! WHAT.
16. I would like to stretch more and spend more time outdoors.
17. This question gave me trouble because…I realized I can’t think of anybody right now. Everyone seems vain to me right now. And I feel constricted/limited right now — as if inspiration would do nothing. Inspiration is feeling like jealousy right now. And I don’t like to admit it, but this is the reality of where I am in my life right now. And something I want to improve upon.
18. L’escalier – the Pirouettes
19. 100 Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
20. Pasta Limoné — or Lasagna
21. Finishing touches on the Birthday Card + HORIZON, MY FIRST ORIGINAL TRACK FINALLY LAUNCHED
22. Schitt’s Creek 🙂
23. Fear of Abandonment
24. At home, cleaning, lounging
25. “What was my dream?” — see, that’s why I wanted to make a Dream Journal lol
26. The urge to pressure someone to do something they’re not ready to do.
27. The fact that I had the courage to move abroad.
28. Took a bath soak on Sunday Night
29. Vyvanse (LOL), Listening To Music, Working Out
30. Golf & Figure Skating
31. Successful.

FEBRUARY

To make Georg feel special.
Sleep
Horizon Extended Mix…by Me LOL
Georg’s birthday and my lack of desire to work right now…
I actually wish I know…maybe not a fear, perhaps just laziness?
Purely consulting on strategy or business operations – self-employed. Or to move back into the cosmetic industry in a Marketing/PR or Scent Design capacity
I actually released a song worldwide LOL like WHAT
I don’t have one 🙁
“When will I be happy with my career progression again?”
I’m craving a warm buttery croissant…UGH…buttery carbs in general….NEED
If I could make one wish come true, obviously it would be to have more wishes that will for sure also come true. But assuming this isn’t allowed in the construct of my imagination, I guess I would like to eliminate COVID & keep humans ahead of pandemic threats in a sustainable manner.
Stagnation — feeling like I’m forgetting something. Disappointing someone I care about.
I’d like to be married. In a new living situation (house, apartment, etc.). Esteemed. Making the kind of money I used to make back in the US
I miss my parents, extended family, and Emily
Gosh that’s hard…The Notebook? Fight Club?
Puppies. Music. Loving Attention.
No, not yet at least, haha!
Schedule’s looking pretty free today. Thank goodness. Well, we do have to pre-clean the apartment for the cleaning lady tonight…
Kindness is important…but in my life particularly, it could be more prominent…
“I am capable”.
Well this is embarrassing — salt & vinegar chips and chocolate covered almonds lol
Self-Confidence. Feeling like I’m living in someone else’s shadow. My identity.
I’d like to start my day much earlier. I’d like to always have a tidy apartment.
Tardiness. Not great.
My college degree, probably 😛
GOLF! 🙂
Procrastination. So myself. Otherwise – my fear of losing the one person who means the most to me in my life.
All 3 in the following formats: Iced Coffee, Bubble Tea, Hot Cocoa (perhaps with a splash of rum). Fin.

MARCH

Oof that’s hard. Let’s say my word of the year is “Progress”. But really, that’s my word of my life. Always push forward! Always make moves! Always get better!
I would like to develop my mindfulness/meditation/prayer habit.
Trampoline summers – Hampton Park – Golden Hour
Princess Diana
A photo of my screen from a FB memory – me with glasses with a baby Cassie, young Gabby and young John.
100 Years of Solitude – East of Eden
If the question meant like “live” without — either a stove or a refrigerator. If literal “leave” – I guess my phone?
Zum Schwarzen Kameel
Enduring the grief of losing Mama
Both are important to me, in different ways. Will not choose one over the other.
“Manic” – although other words that came up are “Difficult”, “Enigmatic” – I need to work on how I view myself…
Georg’s continued birthday celebration at Nanny’s was a wonderful feast – Ham & Pickles, Crostini with butter & caviar, goose liver souffle, baked scalloped potatoes in cream, “fisch-torte” – toasted puffed pastry with sour cream, herring, red onion, celery, lingonberry jam (was actually DELICIOUS, I must say), quark strudel with homemade parfait (frozen custard type), all washed back with a nice Taittinger Champagne brut. Ate quite well, what a blessing!
Depends on the context – I have the capacity for both, but it’s getting harder for me to stay up these days and I get upset that I’m not waking up earlier to be productive … am I turning into a morning person?? (no, lol)
Anywhere along the water. Or in nature, in general. In an empty church, always.
Blue. Black. Starting to take a liking to nice olive greens and lavenders. Sign of the times? Or maybe they just go well with my skin tone, like blue and black do lol
Probably unhealthy, but I try to distract myself with something else – this is my way of “moving on” and taking space before saying or doing something too rashly. The faster I can roll my eyes and distract myself with something else completely unrelated, the faster I can put space between my thoughts and actions. Otherwise, I vent, listen to music, or meditate/pray for peace. “Be still, my heart”.
Nothing special, I think of what needs to be done that day to make sure I’m on track to accomplish whatever I need to accomplish, but I also like to allot flexibility for spontaneity. As ironic as THAT sounds lol.
Tired. Restless. Idle. Afraid I’ve overslept an alarm.
Vyvanse. Elvanse. Stimulants. lol
“It’s A Good Day” by Peggy Lee
Earlier this week, I got in a spat with my Manager based on different working styles in which we each criticized each other. What I did in the moment was try to state facts objectively and describe my reaction in an objective not emotional way – then asked for space. It worked in terms of de-escalating the situation and eventually I went and tried to make up for the tension. Not sure if that really counts as a “criticism” story, but this is what’s fresh in my mind right now.
7-8 hours? Woke up early but fell back asleep lol
A feeling of longing — mostly a longing to be outside when I’m admiring the nice weather sky from indoors. Otherwise, awe. The sky is beautiful, man.
CHRISTMAS. No question.
Looking back, it was a whirlwind. SO MUCH HAPPENED IN SUCH A SHORT TIME, it feels. I think back quite fondly. Wow I sound like a cliche old-timer saying that haha but it’s true. I have no idea how I was able to accomplish and be a part of all that I did in that time – great years. My ability to have done it back then serves as inspiration and motivation to try to bring that aspect into my life at this age, in these circumstances.
It can be?
Good question–I’ll ask and follow up (maybe)…I’m quite curious haha, could be anything!
Well it depends on the context here as well. If it’s a performance or presentation, my feelings are directly correlated with my level and confidence of preparation for said performance/presentation. If it’s something like I got pulled up on stage to do something spontaneously, it’s never a negative feeling really (unless we’re talking like Hester Prynne shaming here, but I can’t even imagine a situation like that haha). I feel energized. I act like I’m embarrassed and nervous – I mean I’m also those things – but I low key (high key) love the thrill but most importantly the ATTENTION hehehe
Check the time. Scan notifications/news headlines for any big items I’ve missed while sleeping. On non work days, the ideal wakeup I would do when I’m by myself is play some music and bask in the sun coming through the windows. Then probably capture said aesthetic on IG stories lol

APRIL

I’m quite an open book and can express my feelings very easily
Not really a skill but I love when I see people being curious about things and learning more
Define “Regular”…I think we all do for different things, to a certain degree, if I am to be honest
The possibility to sleep more exists on weekends, but my circadian is making it harder and harder for me to sleep in
Jack of all trades, master of none
Not quite sure but can’t be too long ago – probably in my journal somewhere. But let’s make it “today” and allow me to say that I am so grateful for the quality of life I get to live. It is a privilege, it is a blessing, and I must humbly appreciate what I have and calm down my greedy desire for more.
Faster via phone call – but email = accountability
If it’s something reasonable, it’s nbd – but if it could have been done easily, I feel like I slacked off but also if it’s possible to do it in that moment of mindfulness, I’ll do it. Or think about it first thing the next day haha